Waiting for you to show your care and concern and take care of me when I was sick to waiting for you to spend time with me till waiting for you to apologize genuinely. What's the point of secretly hoping that you will appear right in front of me just because you still care and you want to patch things up when I already know that the chances are just as low as 0.5% cause you are forever busy with your work. Even if things doesn't turn awry, truthfully speaking, do you even have time for me for the past 1 week or 2? Maybe that's why I chose to let things turn out this way so that you won't feel the obligation to spend time with me despite your busy schedule.

If you think that it's easy for me to ignore you, to forgo my health because of you, to say all those sarcastic things to you then you can continue to think that way cause I see no point defending myself and explaining to you. Haven't you said those nasty things to me too? "Blackmailing, unreasonable, demanding"

Why will I put on a facade in front of my colleagues everyday if I wasn't upset? Why will I cry myself to sleep if I wasn't upset? Why will I wake up every 2 hours everytime I sleep if I wasn't upset? 

Haven't you heard before that in a relationship, girls are always right even though they might be at fault at times? Or both parties were at fault? If you really love your girl, will you give your all to protect her or will you consider to let her take up the blame? You know, in a relationship, girls' pride is something that you can never underestimate. That's why guys are always said to be the one to apologize no matter who is at fault. 

If you really love her, you will give her all the happiness that she needs which means loving her the way she expects. If you can't even do that and thinks that she is expecting too much, maybe you don't really love her as much as you think you do or you're probably just not the right man to give her the love that she needs. Girls are to be pampered not mistreated. If you want to be the man who deserves her love, who she believes in and trust the most, you have to prove to her not just by saying. What a girls wants is actions and not just words. Don't ever underestimate what a girl will do when she lose hope and has completely given up on you. Don't regret if she doesn't tell you that she miss or love you anymore and stop doing all the sweet things for you or simply just stop waiting for you. Treasure her before it's too late.

If I have a choice, I would rather choose to see you everyday without you being sweet rather than having you being sweet but only get to see you once per week.

Feeling really lonely now but trying to hide  and control all these emotions and negative feelings. I don't even have a choice. 

Neglected.

Where were you when I was coughing so badly?

Where were you when I was terribly sick?

Where were you when I need to ask you something? 

Where were you when I needed someone  to talk to?

Where were you when I was crying in pain?

Where were you when I needed your care and concern?

People say it's better late than never but I think it's meaningless and defeats the whole purpose when you are late. 

Maybe this would show how dependent I am but aren't we supposed to depend on each other for the rest of our lives?

Finally it's not the work related, cam, soccer, teasing/laughing at people, complaining about things or stuff that I don't understand? 

对你的感情，我只能把它好好保存在心里，埋到最低，不能让它再＂活＂过来了。。。

It's kinda ironic how I always look forward to the weekends after a long week at work but in the end my weekends are just plain boring and meaningless. Instead, I feel lonleier especially during the weekends. People spend quality time with their bfs/gfs over the weekends or their friends too but I spend it alone or just sleep my day away. Really waste of time but well, the only thing that I can console myself is that I have more time to rest. Scrolling through Instagram/Facebook just makes me feel even lonelier and envy those people who are enjoying their weekends with good company, food and places.

Whenever the weekends come to an end (Sunday nights), I will just tell myself there's always the next weekend and the whole cycle repeats again.... 

I knew that history will repeat itself again. Thus, I chose to be the one to turn down the idea instead of letting it happen again. I guess this will make me feel better by a bit? It'll be better for us?

Yes, I do feel neglected but what I wish now is for you to complete your stuff and quickly go get a good rest. It's a really tough week but hang in there k! I know you can do it and I'll always be here supporting you without any doubts.

I need someone to be there to wipe away my tears but what I needed most is actually to have someone preventing the tears from flowing....

Do you even understand? 

If you think I can't even shoulder this little weight for you, how can we even go on further.... You made me feel useless. Not just this once but a few times already. 

Can someone tell me why is it so difficult to have an enjoyable off day? Time and time again, be it weekends or off day, it will just end up this way. Not the way I want or expect it to be. Maybe some will say that I've to be positive but the fact is that I jus can't cause the disappointments just keep coming till I'm really really annoyed by it! 

Keeping silent for 8 hours and crying for numerous times in a shopping mall was not what I wanted too. I just feel that we are really drifting... Further and further away...

Why is it that whenever I put in the effort at the beginning but you just don't? Why is it that it's only when I'm really tired of it and decided to stop trying then you begin to put in the effort to make up for things? Is this how it suppose to be?

Perhaps I really don't deserve it.

Yesterday.

Probably what went wrong is that we don't communicate; waiting for each other to take the first move. Probably we are all badly hurt in this and we tend to be afraid to ask or we just thought that we are on the same frequency and we know what to expect from each other and we don't ask. 

You didn't say anything but I waited at the usual place for about 15 mins and I went over to check if you were there. I just left after looking all over the place and I don't see you. It was 1.05-1.10 then. Who knows if I was able to see you cause you didn't say anything and don't you think it was too late when you started asking? I guess I should just say that we are not fated. Maybe you think that I purposely let you wait or don't turn up but the fact is that I did. Do you know how upset I was not seeing you there? Afterall, it's a little promise that we've made and it really meant a lot to me. 

In doubts.

Yes, I'm kinda touched that you bought the muffins and came over to pass them to me after work as a form of apologizing (or am I wrong to say that?) I know that you planned to pass them to me and go straight home to sleep but yet you have to follow me all the way to bugis just because I don't want to accept them. I know you're very tired after a very very long day of work with only 2hrs of nap. I appreciate that you joined us for dinner even though you were very tired and probably wanted to save money too. Sorry for being such a pain, such a troublesome gf. 

I was indeed really touched by how you tried to protect the muffins and treat them like the most valuable thing during the train ride; afraid that they will be squashed and yet trying hard to prevent me from falling too. 

However, I'm just doubting the sincerity behind it. When I insisted that I do not want them and asked you to bring them back, you replied: "but those flavours that I've picked aren't my favourite." What does that mean? Meaning that you will just take back if they are? 

I'm sorry that you may think this is no big deal or people might think that I'm just being petty here but well, sincerity really mean a lot to me (if you know me well enough).

Fyi, I've not really accepted the muffins yet but doing it for the sake of not embarrassing you in front of my friends.

Yes, you are right that sometimes you don't really know what I want. Then don't bother to know lo. If it's really important to you, you will do whatever it takes to know, to understand. 

Yes, I never spare a thought for you. I'm just so unreasonable. But do you even know why I'm so angry or even more disappointed? 

It's because I care too much.

If you think this is too much for you and you don't deserve this then you just need to make a choice.....

To give up or not, it's up to you. 

So you're going to disappoint me again? 

Maybe I shouldn't have taken your words so seriously. 

Waited patiently but what do I get? 

This is what I deserve. Alright, fine, I will accept whatever it is. 

Don't promise me anything ever again, please I beg you. Enough, really. 

All I need is actually your support... I'm in such a fix and dilemma now because of you. I don't want to drag any longer but I just can't make up my mind because of you. I just can't be decisive without your "approval". Your words are very important to me. It really will affect this much....

Tell me, what should I do now?

To follow my heart or to do what is obviously correct whereby I won't be happy? 

I really love the way how you hold me and hug me tight cause it shows that you don't want to let me go and I'm really important to you. 

Often, I feel otherwise but deep down I really do know how much I mean to you. Maybe we just don't know how to express it to each other. 

Just want you to know that you have already hold a very important place in my heart and likewise, I won't ever let you go so easily and give up on us without a good fight. 

I love you. :)